Resolution(s)

It's that time of year again.

Thinking about what might work for me. 

Knowing what you want to do and doing it - commitment, persistence, courage, resilience...are things I admire but haven't always managed.

I write - have written - a lot. Sometimes poetry, sometimes fiction, sometimes creative nonfiction... I want to say what's in my mind. I want to tell others about it - sometimes.

I've talked about wanting to connect, and have belatedly discovered Kae Tempest's 'On Connection' which says so much of how I feel - and says it incredibly well. 

There is more than one way to connect - Kae Tempest not only talks about it, but demonstrates it through their different forms of creative connection. And I want to do that too, in my own way.

I actually decided quite a while back what I wanted to do next - which is half the battle. And I've done the work - commitment, persistence. I'm just not sure I have the courage or resilience to let it out into the world. But I do want to connect, so...

Let's see if that works for me in the new year.

Soon

if not now, then soon;

there's a limit to the times

it will be all right

while the kestrel flies

there's hope; the silent sky sits

between life and death

still time to believe

there is a choice better than

sitting and waiting

still freedom to choose,

while the kestrel waits above,

to run one more time

the kestrel drops, stalls,

sweeps away, hovers again;

if not now, then soon

(First published by Indigo Dreams Publishing)

How to connect

Picking up on recent blog posts by Lesley Wheeler lesleywheeler.org and Matthew Stewart roguestrands.blogspot.com (but from a different angle), I wanted to talk about poetry and the use of social media to communicate/market it.

If you're trying to sell something, you're going to use every marketing strategy you know. That includes social media. If you have a product and you want/need to make money from it, then you need to sell hard and smart. There's so much competition, and, in these times of financial hardship, fewer people able to buy.

So far, so obvious.

But should poetry be part of that kind of marketing world?

Poets want their writing to be published - because that way it gets out into the world. Is that right? Or do they want the acclaim of being published? Social media is full of poets promoting their published work. Of course it is. We've all done it.

And there are a lot of poets and a lot of publishers, and they all want you to buy their books. There are many really good publishers who believe wholeheartedly in what they are publishing, and they want you to be able to read those works. But, in terms of poetry, they are trying to sell to a relatively small customer base, and that is dwindling in the current financial climate. Many are struggling. Some are offering discounts or special offers. Some have made provisions to ensure those with financial difficulties are still able to access their publications. Some are going under.

Why do we write poetry? Because we want to express how we feel? And, unless we're writing just for ourselves, surely it's because we want to communicate with others? To connect? 

If you're writing poetry to make big money, you're kidding yourself. Only a handful of poets will ever really make money from their poetry publications. So, if that's true, why is it marketed in the way it is?

There are other ways that you can get your poetry to people, that don't cost money - for you, a publisher, or the people you're trying to connect with. Online sites, free downloads, for example... and a lot of people are doing that one way or another.

Yes, you'll still need to tell people about it - and back comes social media - but think how many more people you could connect with if they didn't have to buy what you'd written. How much you would have opened this world to more people who currently don't see it.

No, I don't want to put out of business the wonderful people who produce poetry publications. There will still be a market for them. But I would like more people to have the opportunity to read all the kinds of poetry that are out there. 

And think how that would change your communication with people on social media. Not 'Buy this', but 'I would like to share this with you'. There are a lot of supportive people on social media and a lot of people who would like to join in. Let's help them. And help ourselves, too, to connect with people - more people than we currently can anyway.

I know it's more complex than this - but if we need a new take on things, and we do, then we need to look at new ways of connecting.

Postscript

I woke up screaming in the night (slight exaggeration), thinking that all the wonderful poets whose work I recommend will now be wondering what the heck I'm playing at. You can't say buy these books and then write the above. But I don't want people to stop buying books - if they can afford it. I know how much those books mean to those who, after years of writing and submitting and being rejected, finally get accepted, and then wait for ever to see the book out and in their hand. I just want other options to be available so that more can see what they've written. Some of the wonderful poets do have other ways that you can read their work too - and maybe that's the best of both worlds.

Julie Stevens

I have MS. Julie Stevens has MS. Facts.

I write poetry, but maybe surprisingly, I've only ever written one poem directly addressing MS. It's in a post below (the last I posted before I stopped blogging in 2022). I've written about it in other ways, but I'll come back to that another time.

MS is something that needs a voice. Julie Stevens is a poet who gives it that voice. You know that wonderful thing that happens when you read a poem and you think, yes, I understand, I feel like that. Well, if you've got MS and you read Julie's poems I think you'll feel like that. And if you haven't got MS, I think it will help you understand.

Sometimes I see a poem and think that really speaks to me. I don't think I've ever seen a poem and thought that really speaks for me. With Julie's poems, that's what I think. 

If you don't know her poetry, please try it. Her new book 'Step into the Dark' is now out, available from her website jumpingjulespoetry.com or from The Hedgehog Poetry Press. See the reviews - they'll give you even more reason to read it. Julie has MS, but more importantly, she is a wonderful poet.

Some days

Some days I don't want to go into life,

though the alarm is insistent,

it's easier to stay outside,

close the eye-blinds,

turn off the ears,

stopper the scream,

don't smell the smoke,

don't touch the flame,

don't taste the ash.

Some days I don't want to go into life,

but I write my name on my helmet,

and I go in anyway.

(The inspiration for this came from a tweet/news item about firefighters being told to put their names on their helmets prior to tackling fires which they might not get out of - so they could be identified after.)

One of the things I wanted to say

Bird with a damaged wing 

We should help it. No, it's alright. Look, it's still moving.

In the early days, when MS was new to me, it was like a game of what comes next. I didn't know, nor did the experts, and the world at large was oblivious.

I was on a bus and my leg seized up. I was at the open door, couldn't move, passengers tutting, driver shouting, and I could have said I have MS, please help.

But I didn't. I threw myself forward and fell onto the pavement. No-one tried to help me, likely thinking I was drunk. It passed. I got up, limped off.

But can it fly? I don't know. Does it have to?

First published in Under the Radar, Nine Arches Press

Poetry and care

I'm not sure what I want to say - or if I'm conflating two distinct issues here - but I know I'm angry about so many things at the moment. One of those things is the lack of respect for, understanding of, and funding of social care. 

I worked in the voluntary sector in social care for many years, largely with older people and (informal) carers. Loss was an underlying, if not manifest, feature of the lives of those I worked with - loss of independence, health, dignity, and loss of self and/or a loved one. Some dealt with this calmly, positively even, some didn't. Most struggled to express how they were feeling, or kept quiet about it, but at some point, broke down in anger or tears. 

There was a lot of 'I used to be able to... but now I can't.'

Some people write poems about their experiences of disability, illness, loss of independence, or about their experiences of caring for and/or losing someone. Why? Because they want to express or understand how they're feeling? Because they want to be heard and understood? As a memorial to a loved one, or to the part of themselves they've lost? As a way of fighting back? As a way of grieving? As a way of saying 'I used to be... but now I'm not.'? 

We struggle with expressing how we feel - in life and in poetry. As a disabled, sick or cared for person, there may be a balancing act we try to sustain between wanting to still appear independent, positive, in control, and allowing ourselves to look vulnerable and say how bad we sometimes feel.

As a carer, the balancing act may be between wanting to express that we care and love, and suppressing the frustration, resentment, guilt, we may sometimes feel.

There is a pressure to be positive, even when going through hell. Because positive people fight on, put on a brave face, smile through the tears, and are inspirational. If you say the pain is unbearable, the loss of dignity is destroying you, that you can't cope any more, then you're at risk of being seen as whining, weak... 

I'm not suggesting that positivity is bad - it can provide comfort and hope to many, but it can, unintentionally, mask some very harsh realities and lessen people's perception that there are a very large number of people who really need help.

There are acclaimed poets who write about these things, and others - often carers - who make no claim to be poets, but write their feelings in poetic form - and both can help others to understand in their own way.

Where am I going with this? Can poetry make a difference? Can the personal show a broader truth? Can the personal be political? Not if poets and occasional writers of poems are not allowed to express how they're feeling because it's either seen as whinging or as not good poetry. If people who write poetry succumb to the pressures to be constantly positive, how will anyone ever know their truth? How will people know change is needed?

Because people need to know what it's like for people with disabilities and loss of independence and dignity (and all the conditions that require care), because if they don't we will continue to show the total lack of regard for them and for social care in this country which we are currently displaying. Social care is by no means the only issue that needs addressing - poverty, health care, mental health... are equally in need of attention. And poetry is obviously not the only, or the most important, way to change things, but it could be part of it. If we let it.